BWAHAHAHA! Yes, body, I made it, I beat you! You wanted me to eat all day, and I avoided the food successfully. Triumphed over each craving! Take that! It's midnight now, there's no reason why I can't make it another 12 hours. No use eating this late at night. So I'm pushing for 36 hours. If I'm feeling good at noon, I'll push another 6 hours and so on till I can go o longer. I need to beat my body. It's been winning for far too long now. I don't deserve to consume food. I'm too fat to eat. Onward to the next goal!

Also, never made it to the gym. Never made it out of my pj's. Fasting makes me sleepy so when I fell asleep midday, I didn't wake again till almost 6!!! There's always tomorrow morning. I'm feeling a bit too fat to show myself in the gym though, so maybe I'll workout at home for a while till I'm feeling a bit more comfortable. And I've been watching ED focused shows and stuff on YouTube all day to re-focus myself. I can do this!

I'm wondering if anyone can help me with this ... how many calories do you think are in one plain vegetarian sushi roll ? I'm contemplating having 2 for dinner tonight but am unsure.

I don't want to go too high for the day, but i'll be out shopping tonight and that's probably the healthiest food i'll feel like where i'm going.

Today is going good so far, just had one 100 cal soup, black coffee and water.

okay so right now, words cannot explain how extremely PISSED OFF I AM. the whole party thing is cancelled. and i organised it basically so i look like a fucking idiot. want my advice. never ever ever depend on people you arent 100% sure of. what an effing mess!
starved for nothing.

onto other news:
buying my car today/start paying it off
havent eaten today yay
am trying a salt water flush
i weigh nearly 49kg yaaaay

xx lovlies

Sorry for posting so many times in one day. I think you all can understand how this would be my support during my fast. It's going on 9 pm and all I've had is a calcium supplement. There have been countless times when I've wanted to give in and have SOMETHING, but I haven't. So I can't say I'm feeling all that strong right now, but I'm hanging in there and I only have 3 more hours left. Thanks to all of you who have joined me. Knowing that I have to report to other people is keeping me from fucking up right now. So thank you all. I hope you all are holding strong and I'm looking forward to seeing how you did. I have my eye on you ladies lol! Can't wait till midnight!

When are we actually happy?
coz i've noticed when i lose too much weight why do larger ppl seem better...
and when i'm feeling fat (like now) i'm never happy....
when will it stop i'm desperate to lose weight and stay that weight for ever but as soon as you start eating again it all goes back on 10 times quicker than when you lost it:(
anyway hope all you lot are all okay...
tell me how your coping and whether or not your happy
love you all and these communities..
xxxx

i wish am like my sister. skinny long beautiful legs, straight flat stomach, and tight arms. she eats and eats and eatsssss so grossly much but she doesnt gain weight! just like the rest of my skinny tiny family. while they get it so easily, i have to starve and fucking kill myself to be like them.
anyway, had a big apple and a little salad today. and brisk walking for fifty minutes. i feel so hungry, yet big and guilty. i am 3 points away from my goal BMI (15.5)
i want to stop blaming myself for every bad thing on this stupid earth.
also, am sure this isnt normal but am gonna say it anyway just to feel better. i HATE my mother's voice. everything about her. when she comes to a room i leave immediately. when she touches me i hate it. i listen to my ipod 24/7 at home so that i dont hear her ugly annoying disgusing voice. i know, am definitely normal! but i dont care! i just want her to shut up! and stop sticking to my ass everywhere i go. why do i feel like this? its driving me crazy! am supposed to love my mother (which i do!) but i just.. CANT stand her. i wish i can afford a psychhologist =\
anyway, how are you lovelies doing? plz comment i would love to hear from you.
idk wt i would do if not this community. just feels good to talk abt things without worrying abt people.
XXX

12 hours into my fast and I feel fine. I'm going to get my fat ass up and do some exercise today. Also, I had a dream last night that I ate and woke up thinking I'd already screwed up my fast so just fuck it! But then I realized it was just a dream. I mean, I REALLY THOUGHT I'D EATEN SOMETHING!!! I've had dreams like that before. Feeling guilty for eating when I really didn't. So weird. So real. Unless I ate in my sleep, I'm fine. I hope everyone else is doing well. Good luck ladies and take things one hour at a time!

here goes another post from me within about 12hrs.. it's now 1.55a.m. here.

i managed to skip dinner tonight and had some diet coke at the movies.

hmm.. after being off the wagon for too damn long, can i say that this is a step forward?
of course i've skipped meals but as for now, i feel like i've accomplished something.
even if it's small..

i still have a long way to go and am still far behind many of you who have been losing the weights steadily.
i shall work harder..
i believe i can~


joining the 24 hr fast-wagon and shall report my status before bed tomorrow so that i won't spam the boards..
i hope i'll succeed >_<

Feel like a fat failure right about now. Managed an ok dinner with the bf, piece of grilled fish n some salad. Except the potato salad was evil with calories grrr

Now just had 8 corn thins :( Wanted to keep binging like a crazy person but have now cut up an apple and hopefully that stops me.

I hate this !!!

i'm disgusted....
remeber i said i could take it a little easyer because i only had te loos half a kilo or so till newyears...? wel now i gained... probably allot...
i'm ashamed of myself... yesterday... i ate like.... 4500 to 5500 cals... thats an awful lot... i know... my stomach was hurting like hell... but now my sister is back home (she studied in Oslo for half a year) and we just had breakfast together... wich means... 300 calls ore something... just for breakfast:O and we're going to have dinner togeteher... so today alsof a lot of calls and sunday i alsow ate more than i should've...
so thats now already a 3 days binge:S with yesterday like... what i did yesterday is were the word binge started from or something-_-

i;m soo freaking out... and i know i can't stop myself:S
i need to gain controle back... and go to 54 befor christams... wich is now probably not really posible anymore because i was 56 today......... gros...
and i promised myself not to go on the scale anymore until monday... promised myself that 2 days ago... but i have been on 3 times already.... i don't know what it is... i HAVE to be on the scale... otherwhise i freakout.... i need to know how much i gaine/loos and all...
i want controle back:( i'm beein a fat little piggie thats just eating away her life:(

sorry for this really not motivating post... and thanks for reading...

*hug*
mathilde

Began a fast at midnight. Well... really before that, but I can't remember what time I last ate so I'm setting it at midnight for surety. Anyone want to join? Just let me know. It's just a 24hr fast for now, but if I'm feeling good be the end, I'll extend it for as long as I want (or if someone joins me, we can decide how long to go). I didn't want to return to fasting, but I'm so sick of myself right now that it's the only way I feel I can live my life right now. I'm allowed hot tea when my tummy cramps and that's it. I want to rip my skin off right now and this is as close as I'm going to get to doing that. Wish me luck! And a friend would be nice.

I'd like to introduce a new site!

It's called GlitterVeins Socialite.

It's one of the very first social networking sites exclusively intended for those with eating disorders. You can check it out at http://www.social.glitterveins.com

You can upload photos, files, create video albums, comment on each other's walls, keep a blog, create and join groups, and much much more!

But best of all, you can connect with others who have eating disorders with the fear of your account being deleted, like on myspace and facebook.

Thanks. We look forward to seeing you.

21.4
frickken FAT, gah!


ate out for lunch with a friend. had a large burger *500* , 1/2 of watermelon ice cream (it was sickly sweet, i threw it away after reaching 2-3 bites off the cone) *100* and some cherries *100*.

i actually didn't feel like eating..


now I'm soooo full.

i feel like not eating anymore till friday evening @ another friend's farewell dinner party. i will be going to karaoke before that..
the bad thing about karaoke is that i will get really hungry so i'll most likely rave out on food after that.
crap D:



PS:
i do know about calories and do tend to round them up ^^;
it's rather embarassing.. but i've been so stuck with this stupid habit as if i'm an automatic calorie calculator.
(this is seriously embarassing)

So I found some support in a friend of mine from work who turned out to eat "funny" like me :). It's wicked to find someone like that so close to you. We actually were childhood friends then I moved to a house on the other side of town and started going to a diff. school. Then she got hired where I work, so small world, eh?

Anyway, lately i've been using laxatives almost everyday and almost double the amount recommended (the say 4, I take 7) because I binge at night, (i know they're useless, just want to feel empty faster). So I finally got fed up and asked this work friend if she wanted to buddy up and do the master cleanse and ease into it (cause we're both too broke to buy lemons, maple syrup, and filtered water. Tomorrow I'm starting to go on just juice (homemade of course) and tea/water etc. After I get enough money I'm going to buy a week's worth of m.c ingredients and then start it off.

I've also found the exact thinspo I needed. I'm thinking of getting my hips pierced. In my opinion it is the absolute sexiest piercing out there and would look amazing if I had more prominent hips (they're my favourite bone when it's sticking out). Anyway I'm super stoked and I don't even want food whenever I think of them!

anyway everyone, I want to ask what is your favourite bone ( examples: ribs, hips collarbones... anything) I want to know!

(oh and sorry for the rant, I just really haven't posted in a couple of weeks :P )

Hey everyone,
its been a long day today. Eat eat eat, thats all anyone seems to talk to me about lately. They just don't get that I like the way I am. Well, the feelings of it, truthfully I hate the way I look. But I like the way my eating disorder feels.
I have to celebrate my brorothers' b-day 3x this week, which means cake and family dinners 3x :( I have to stay strong, somehow get out of it. I can ruin my weightloss for my christmas goal for 3 days of gluttony.

So I just did the BMI calculator in one of someones posts, and my BMI is 22.2 =[ ew. and im in the 49 percentile, which means only 51 percent weights more then me, thats kind of depressing to know im not really better then most people =[ ugh.

I have nothing in the fridge or pantry. I need a few items to get me through the week that'll boost my weight loss and that will also fill me up. Any suggestions? Please help :)